songs can be an inspiration.

You know that song, scars by papa roach? well, the lyrics are "i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut, and my weakness is that I care too much. My scars remind me that the past is real; I tear my heart open just to feel."

This is me. I care about people way too much, and i care what people think way too much. I have self esteem problems because i'm by no means perfect, and i don't know how to fix it. but really, how is that any different than the classic lower class girl going to a private college next year? I'm terrified. I mean, I broke up with my boyfriend a bit ago, and I still ask myself, Hmmm, maybe I should call him to see how he's doing. But, then I realize. if i were to call him, he'd think OMG IT'S MICHELLE WOOOOOOOT. and i wouldn't want to lead him on. I wonder if he's really broken up about it, or if he was actually just like, "ohh, i expected this, and i was gonna do it before you went to college anyway" like he said. I didn't want to lose him as a friend, but i guess friendships just don't work after relationships. And, that's not the first time i'd experienced that, either. i'm done with dating friends. maybe being just friends is better anyway..

I really don't understand guys. at all. Like, okay here's a simple illustration. I've heard many guys say that being a slut isn't attractive, but at the same time, i know guys that have broken up with girls because they don't want to have sex. Is there really a middle ground? and how the hell do you explain that? like, OH, one time with one guy is okay... but any more than that isn't. and if you do, then you're a slut and no one likes you. suuure. whatever. I just don't get it. Honestly, i don't think i ever will.

Anyway. my original point to this post. Is there anything wrong with caring too much? with worrrying about what your ex feels like after you break up with them? i mean, i would much rather have someone break up with me. that way, i know they're happier with someone else, and i can get over it easier. but, if i break up with them... then i never know. and. it realy hurts.. :-\

UGh. i hate this part.